Interview with Sara Dobie Bauer, author of BITE SOMEBODY ELSE
I’m happy to welcome back my good friend Sara Dobie Bauer! We’ve been IRL friends for years, though she’s now moved to Ohio, we keep in touch–and we love each other’s books! Case in point: her new release Bite Somebody Else from World Weaver Press. In this sequel, she delves into the POV of raunchy, ’80s-loving vampire Imogene. The book came out this week–and be sure to check out the first book, Bite Somebody.
You’re an ex sexpert for SheKnows and your characters sure enjoy rambunctious love lives. Your love scenes read so easily—do you find them easy to write? What types of scenes DO you have a hard time writing?
Based on reader reaction (and my penchant for landing in erotica anthologies), I’m apparently good at writing sex. Honestly, though, sex scenes take time. A two-page sex scene can take me an hour to write as most of that time is spent staring at the screen and choreographing in my head. I also tend to mix dialogue within the sexual choreography, so not only do I stare at the screen, but I also talk to myself. This is why I don’t write in public. Plus, since I’m choreographing sex scenes in my head, I can only imagine the ridiculous faces I might make. That’s the long story.
The short story: sex scenes are my specialty. I enjoy writing them. I’m good at writing them. But they are “a process.”
Action scenes are hard to write. Talk about choreography! There are several fight scenes in Bite Somebody Else, and you almost literally need to work these out with a partner. (Bahaha, I guess a partner helps in writing sex scenes, too … there might be a short story there …). ANYWAY. Fight scenes are difficult. Oh, so are dance scenes, of which there are a couple in Bite Somebody Else because, duh, Imogene.
Your muse is Benedict Cumberbatch. What would happen if you saw him in person? Would security personnel be involved?
My husband is legitimately worried that, if I ever met Benedict Cumberbatch, I would become a black hole and destroy the universe. Honestly, though, if I ever met the British stud in person, I imagine it would be a lot like the time I met Neil Gaiman. I smiled, panted a little, and he took pity on me and gave me a hug. I like to think I’d be all cool and collected and sexy (like Imogene), but I’d be more like Celia, drooling and stuttering and saying a bunch of really dumb shit.
It’s funny, but both male leads in the Bite Somebody Series are based on different incarnations of Mr. Cumberbatch (because, as you said, he is my muse). Ian in Bite Somebody is laid back, behind-the-scenes Benedict. Nicholas in Bite Somebody Else is suave, red carpet Benedict. No wonder the two characters get along so well …
Imogene loves her rum punch. Do you love it, too?
I do love rum punches. The first time I had a rum punch was in Belize on Ambergris Caye during my honeymoon. I don’t know if it was the drink or the location or my husband—but I was euphoric. I’m pretty sure I almost drank the island dry that week, but I did figure out the recipe! Simple. Fill a tall glass with ice. Pour a double shot of Captain Morgan’s on top. Fill three-quarters of the way with strawberry-banana juice and one quarter peach juice. Stir and slurp, preferably on a beach or while reading your shiny new copy of Bite Somebody Else.
Bite Somebody was told from the viewpoint of Celia, who is more of a frumpy every-girl. In the sequel, you get deep into Imogene’s POV. She is more like a force of nature, profane, crude, and utterly honest. Was it easier to get into one character than the other?
Not really. As women, I think we encompass both characters depending on the situation. At times, we can all be nervous and frumpy. Other times, we can be fierce. Celia and Imogene represent two extremes, but the rest of us float somewhere in the middle. That said, in my daily life, I’m a bit more profane and honest, like Imogene. My sense of humor is the Bite Somebody Series to a T, so it was easy to write both books—probably because I was just having so much fun!
What’s next for you?
Sleep until Halloween? No, better not. Ummm, I have short stories in a couple upcoming anthologies. My story that has caused the most arguments about how we define “sexuality” will be in Stoneslide Corrective this fall. (Keep an eye out; see if it pisses you off.)
Next year, I’m part of a three book series with Pen and Kink Publishing called Enchanted. A bit about that …
In modern day Charleston, lonely white witch Cyan Burroughs has waited her whole life to lead the battle against dark witches and eventually meets the man she is fated to love. A tragic trolley accident brings Liam Cody into her life. He is her destiny, but he’s also in love with someone else. Now, Cyan and her magic family must find the dark witch who caused the accident while Cyan fights her feelings for Liam—a charming Irishman with secrets of his own.
With the release of Bite Somebody Else comes a certain amount of freedom. As you can attest, finishing a series is sad because you have to say goodbye to a bunch of people you’ve spent years hanging out with. However, finishing a series is also a relief, as you are free to think about other projects with a clear head. I have two finished manuscripts to rewrite (both a bit darker than the Bite Somebody Series), so come July, it’s time to dive in. Wish me luck, and remember … only bite the people you love.
Sara Dobie Bauer is a writer, model, and mental health advocate with a creative writing degree from Ohio University. Her short story, “Don’t Ball the Boss,” was nominated for the Pushcart Prize, inspired by her shameless crush on Benedict Cumberbatch. She lives with her hottie husband and two precious pups in Northeast Ohio, although she’d really like to live in a Tim Burton film. She is a member of RWA and author of the paranormal rom-com Bite Somebody, among other ridiculously entertaining things.
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“What on earth would I gain from that?” I asked him. “Risk my own neck by violating my banishment just to leave you? The sentence placed on me if I return is execution. If I’m entering the mountains again, I’d damn well better get something out of it.”
Exiled from the Silverwood and the people she loves, Mae has few illusions about ever returning to her home. But when she comes across three out-of-place strangers in her wanderings, she finds herself contemplating the unthinkable: risking death to help a deposed queen regain her throne.
And if anyone can help Mona Alastaire of Lumen Lake, it is a former Woodwalker—a ranger whose very being is intimately tied to the woods they are sworn to protect. Mae was once one of the best, and despite the potential of every tree limb to become the gibbet she’s hanged from, she not only feels a duty to aide Mona and her brothers, but also to walk beneath her beloved trees once more.
A grand quest in the tradition of great epic fantasies, filled with adventure and the sharp wit—and tongue—of a unique hero, Woodwalker is the perfect novel to start your own journey into the realm of magical fiction.
Following the events of Elixir, Mabily “Mab” Jones’ life has returned to normal. Or as normal as life can be for a changeling, who also happens to be a private detective working her first independent case, and dating a half-fey.
But then a summons to return to the fairy world arrives in the form of a knife on her pillow. And in the process of investigating her case, Mab discovers the fairies are stealing joy-producing chemicals directly from the minds of humans in order to manufacture their magic Elixir, the dwindling source of their powers. Worst of all, Mab’s boyfriend Obadiah vows to abstain from Elixir, believing the benefits are not worth the cost in human suffering—even though he knows fairies can’t long survive without their magic.
Mab soon realizes she has no choice but to answer the summons and return to the Vale. But the deeper she is drawn into the machinations of the realm, the more she becomes ensnared by promises she made in the past. And in trying to do the right thing, Mab will face her most devastating betrayal yet, one that threatens everything and everyone she holds most dear.
Three brilliant novellas. One fantastic story.
Collected together for the first time, T. Frohock’s three novellas—In Midnight’s Silence, Without Light or Guide, and The Second Death—brings to life the world of Los Nefilim, Spanish Nephilim that possess the power to harness music and light in the supernatural war between the angels and daimons. In 1931, Los Nefilim’s existence is shaken by the preternatural forces commanding them … and a half-breed caught in-between.
Diago Alvarez, a singular being of daimonic and angelic descent, is pulled into the ranks of Los Nefilim in order to protect his newly-found son. As an angelic war brews in the numinous realms, and Spain marches closer to civil war, the destiny of two worlds hangs on Diago’s actions. Yet it is the combined fates of his lover, Miquel, and his young son, Rafael, that weighs most heavily on his soul.
Lyrical and magical, Los Nefilim explores whether moving towards the light is necessarily the right move, and what it means to live amongst the shadows.
A world of chivalry and witchcraft…and the invaders who would destroy everything.
The North has invaded, bringing a cruel religion and no mercy. The ciudades-estados who have stood in their way have been razed to nothing, and now the horde is before the gates of Colina Hermosa…demanding blood.
On a mission of desperation, a small group escapes the besieged city in search of the one thing that might stem the tide of Northerners: the witches of the southern swamps.
The Women of the Song.
But when tragedy strikes their negotiations, all that is left is a single untried knight and a witch who has never given voice to her power. And time is running out.
A lyrical tale of honor and magic, Grudging is the opening salvo in the Book of Saints trilogy.
After the Earth’s power is suddenly left unprotected, a young geomancer must rely on her unique magical powers to survive in this fresh fantasy series from the author of acclaimed The Clockwork Dagger.
In an alternate 1906, the United States and Japan have forged a powerful confederation—the Unified Pacific—in an attempt to dominate the world. Their first target is a vulnerable China. In San Francisco, headstrong Ingrid Carmichael is assisting a group of powerful geomancer Wardens who have no idea of the depth of her power—or that she is the only woman to possess such skills.
When assassins kill the Wardens, Ingrid and her mentor are protected by her incredible magic. But the pair is far from safe. Without its full force of guardian geomancers, the city is on the brink of a cataclysmic earthquake that will expose Earth’s powers to masterminds determined to control the energy for their own dark ends. The danger escalates when Chinese refugees, preparing to fight the encroaching American and Japanese, fracture the uneasy alliance between the Pacific allies, transforming the city into a veritable powder keg. And the slightest tremor will set it off. . . .
Forced on the run, Ingrid makes some shocking discoveries about herself. Her powerful magic has grown even more fearsome . . . and she may be the fulcrum on which the balance of world power rests.
Winter is the most deadly season in Temperance. And it’s not just because of the fierce cold. Evil is stalking the backcountry of Yellowstone, killing wolves and leaving only their skins behind.
As the snow deepens, Geologist Petra Dee is staring her own death in the face, while former Hanged Man Gabriel struggles with his abrupt transition back to mortality. The ravens and the rest of the Hanged Men are gone, and there are no magical solutions to Petra’s illness or Gabriel’s longing for what he’s lost…and what he stands to lose now.
Meanwhile, there’s a new sheriff in town. Sheriff Owen Rutherford has inherited the Rutherford ranch and the remnants of the Alchemical Tree of Life. He’s also a dangerously haunted man, and his investigation of Sal’s death is leading him right to Gabriel.
It’s up to Petra, her coyote sidekick Sig, and Gabriel to get ahead of both Owen and the unnatural being stalking them all – before the trail turns deathly cold.
Anders Jensen is having a bad month. His roommate is a data thief, his girlfriend picks fights in bars, and his best friend is a cyborg…and a lousy tipper. When everything is spiraling out of control, though, maybe those are exactly the kind of friends you need.
In a world divided between the genetically engineered elite and the unmodified masses, Anders is an anomaly: engineered, but still broke and living next to a crack house. All he wants is to land a tenure-track faculty position, and maybe meet someone who’s not technically a criminal—but when a nightmare plague rips through Hagerstown, Anders finds himself dodging kinetic energy weapons and government assassins as Baltimore slips into chaos. His friends aren’t as helpless as they seem, though, and his girlfriend’s street-magician brother-in-law might be a pretentious hipster—or might hold the secret to saving them all.
Frenetic and audacious, Three Days in April is a speculative thriller that raises an important question: once humanity goes down the rabbit hole, can it ever find its way back?
For four hundred years, the Church has led the remnants of humanity as they struggle for survival in the last inhabited city. Echo Hunter 367 is exactly what the Church created her to be: loyal, obedient, lethal. A clone who shouldn’t care about anything but her duty. Who shouldn’t be able to.
When rebellious citizens challenge the Church’s authority, it is Echo’s duty to hunt them down before civil war can tumble the city back into the dark. But Echo hides a deadly secret: doubt. And when Echo’s mission leads her to Lia, a rebel leader who has a secret of her own, Echo is forced to face that doubt. For Lia holds the key to the city’s survival, and Echo must choose between the woman she loves and the purpose she was born to fulfill.
A body is found in the Alabama wilderness. The question is:
Is it a human corpse … or is it just a piece of discarded property?
Agent Samantha Rose has been exiled to a backwater assignment for the Commonwealth Bureau of Investigation, a death knell for her career. But then Sam catches a break—a murder—that could give her the boost she needs to get her life back on track. There’s a snag, though: the body is a clone, and technically that means it’s not a homicide. And yet, something about the body raises questions, not only for her, but for coroner Linsey Mackenzie.
The more they dig, the more they realize nothing about this case is what it seems … and for Sam, nothing about Mac is what it seems, either.
This case might be the way out for her, but that way could be in a bodybag.
A thrilling new mystery from Liana Brooks, The Day Before will have you looking over your shoulder and questioning what it means to be human.
Both familiar and fantastic, Clark T. Carlton’s Prophets of the Ghost Ants explores a world in which food, weapons, clothing, art—even religious beliefs—are derived from Humankind’s profound intertwining with the insect world.
In a savage landscape where humans have evolved to the size of insects, they cannot hope to dominate. Ceaselessly, humans are stalked by night wasps, lair spiders, and marauder fleas. And just as sinister, men are still men. Corrupt elites ruthlessly enforce a rigid caste system. Duplicitous clergymen and power-mongering royalty wage pointless wars for their own glory. Fantasies of a better life and a better world serve only to torment those who dare to dream.
One so tormented is a half-breed slave named Anand, a dung-collector who has known nothing but squalor and abuse. Anand wants to lead his people against a genocidal army who fight atop fearsome, translucent Ghost Ants. But to his horror, Anand learns this merciless enemy is led by someone from his own family: a religious zealot bent on the conversion of all non-believers . . . or their extermination.
A mix of Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Shadow of the Apt, Katherine Addison’s The Goblin Emperor, and Phillip Pullman’s Golden Compass, this is a powerful new addition to the genre.
The history of Llisé and its fifteen provinces are a peaceful affair, filled with harmony, resolution and a rich oral tradition of storytelling. Nothing untoward ever happens in this peaceful land. Or does it?
Trainee archivist Devin Roché has just taken his finals at the prestigious Académie. As the sixth son of the ruler of Llisé, his future is his own, and so he embarks on an adventure to memorize stories chronicling the history of each province.
As Devin begins his journey with only his best friend Gaspard and their guardian Marcus, he hears rumors of entire communities suddenly disappearing without a trace and of Master Bards being assassinated in the night.
As the three companions get closer to unearthing the truth behind these mysteries, they can’t help but wonder whether it is their pursuit that has led to them.
But if that is the case, what do Llisé and Devin’s father have to hide?
Minutes later, the airlocks on the neighbourhood block are opened and the murderer is asphyxiated along with thirty-one innocent residents.
Jax, the lowly dome operator on duty at the time, is accused of mass homicide and faced with a mound of impossible evidence against him.
His only ally is Runstom, the rogue police officer charged with transporting him to a secure off-world facility. The pair must risk everything to prove Jax didn’t commit the atrocity and uncover the truth before they both wind up dead.
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Read MoreHuge VNSA Book Sale in Phoenix this Weekend
My husband knows that for Valentine’s Day each year, I don’t want jewelry. I don’t want stupidly overpriced flowers that will be dead in a week. I don’t want a dinner out at some crowded restaurant. Nope. I want a trip to the VNSA Book Sale at the Arizona State Fairgrounds.
The VNSA Sale in 2015.
This event takes place the second weekend of February each year, and it’s GINORMOUS. One of the biggest book sales in the country. Years ago, I fought the crowds and lines to be among the first in the door on Saturday, but I have found that I much prefer Sunday. The selection is picked over, yes, but the crowds are fewer AND most of the books are half off.
If you’re in the Phoenix area, check out the sale website for info. The event itself is free, but you have to pay to park. Also, be sure to bring your own hand cart or a sturdy tote bag. Shopping carts are few and always in use.
Note that I’m not actually affiliated with the sale in any way. I’m just a hardcore reader who loves to share the joy with other hardcore readers. If you go, I wish you all the best in your treasure hunt!
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Read MoreBready or Not Guest Pat Esden with Old Fashioned Blueberry Cake
I’m happy to welcome Pat Esden to Bready or Not again. You might recall she visited last year to share a recipe for Popovers as she celebrated the release of her first book, A Hold On Me. Today she shares a quintessential Maine recipe for Blueberry Cake! Her second book, Beyond Your Touch, is a new adult paranormal romance that came out August 30th. We’ll start things off with an interview to learn about her Dark Heart series.
You sent a lovely blueberry recipe. YUM. Can you explain how this ties into your books’ world?
Both A HOLD ON ME (Dark Heart book #1) and BEYOND YOUR TOUCH (Dark Heart book #2) are for the most part set on the Maine seacoast, a prime area for both commercial and wild blueberries. The main character, Annie Freemont, and her family often have blueberry muffins for breakfast. The cake recipe I’m going to share is something they’d have at teatime for sure.
Also Annie’s love interest, Chase, is a blueberry fanatic. He was born in Maine, but was kidnapped as a child and raised in the djinn realm until he escaped in his late teens. During his years of captivity, Chase often went hungry. As a result, having edible berries growing right outside his cottage is not only a tasty treat for him, it’s also emotionally comforting. In reality, he’s a bit of a blueberry glutton.
You do a great job of capturing the new adult voices in A Hold on Me and Beyond Your Touch. Do you have advice for other writers who are working on voice in new adult fiction?
New adult is a category of fiction where the main character and point of view are a person or persons between the age of nineteen and twenty-six. It’s not a novel written through the eyes and sensibilities of someone looking back on that stage of their life. It’s that sensibility that is most vital to remember when you’re writing new adult. The motivations and choices of people in that age range will vary, but they are not the same as a younger teenager who has less life experience in general or an older person who has more experience. It’s important for a writer to put themselves in the mindset of being that age and to look at each choice and reaction the character(s) make to be sure they are appropriate for a new adult.
What has been your greatest challenge in working on your Dark Heart series?
The Dark Heart series consists of three novels. The biggest challenge for me has been swapping between books during the various editing and marketing stages. For example: in the middle of drafting book 3, I received notes from my editor on book 2. I had to put book 3 aside for a month to do edits on book 2. Once book 2 was turned in, I went back to book 3. But I had to swap again and focus on book 1 when it was released. LOL. It’s crazy making!
Thanks again!
Thank you as well. I love visiting.
Old Fashion Blueberry Cake
Ingredients:
2 eggs separated
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup shortening
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1-1/2 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 cup milk
1-1/2 cups fresh blueberries
Beat 2 egg whites until stiff, and set aside.
Cream together shortening, vanilla, sugar, and two egg yolks.
Sift flour and baking powder together. Add to cream mixture alternating with milk.
Fold in egg whites and blue berries.
Pour into 9” pan (greased and floured) and sprinkle top lightly with sugar.
Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes.
This is a traditional New England dense desert or breakfast cake. Just a touch lighter than pound cake. No frosting needed.
BEYOND YOUR TOUCH (book #2 Dark Heart series) was released August 30th
She wants more than he can promise.
His desires could lead to betrayal.
But without each other, neither can survive the dangers ahead.
Annie Freemont knows this isn’t the right time to get involved with a man like Chase. After years of distrust, she’s finally drawing close to her estranged family, and he’s an employee on their estate in Maine. Though she never intended to stay on the estate for long, her father’s illness and the mysteries surrounding her family made leaving impossible. And now with the newfound hope of rescuing her long-missing mother, Annie’s determined to be involved with the family’s plans one way or another.
If only she could keep her mind off Chase and focus on the impending rescue. But there’s something about the enigmatic Chase that she can’t resist. And she’s not the only woman. Annie fears a seductive stranger who is key to safely freeing her mother is also obsessed with him. As plans transform into action and time for a treacherous journey into a strange world draws near, every move Annie makes will test the one bond she’s trusted with her secrets, her desires—and her heart.
PAT ESDEN is an antique-dealing florist by trade. She’s also a member of Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, Romance Writers of America, and the League of Vermont Writers. Her short stories have appeared in a number of publications, including Orson Scott Card’s Intergalactic Medicine Show, the Mythopoeic Society’s Mythic Circle literary magazine, and George H. Scither’s anthology Cat Tales.
Her new adult paranormal novels, A HOLD ON ME (book #1 in the Dark Heart series) and BEYOND YOUR TOUCH (book #2 Dark Heart series) are available from Kensington book. REACH FOR YOU (book #3 Dark Heart series) will be released in 2017.
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Interview with Nancy K. Wallace, author of GRIM TIDINGS
I’m happy to welcome my Harper Voyager sibling Nancy K. Wallace to my site today. The second book in her Wolves of Llisé series came out last week, and she’s here to talk about the myth behind her novels–and as a librarian, recommend some of her favorite reads!
Book two in the sumptuous Wolves of Llisé trilogy: As the son of Llisé’s ruler, Devin Roché knows its laws only too well. It’s a land where keeping historical records is forbidden. To do so would mean imprisonment – or death.
Only bards may share the histories of their provinces, but Devin’s quest to learn from them ended in tragedy. His best friend Gaspard has been kidnapped, Master Bards are being murdered and whole communities are disappearing. Clearly someone doesn’t want Devin to know the true history of Llisé.
With his guard Marcus and a wolf pack for protection, Devin sets out to discover the truth. But as terrible secrets come to light, Devin realizes that some knowledge can be deadly.
– Grim Tidings is the second book in your Wolves of Llisé series. What is the French legend that inspired you, and how does this work into your books?
The legend is the story of the Beast of Gévaudan, and I’ll add a little background to it. Apparently toward the end of the 18th century, France had a terrible problem with wolves in its rural provinces. The Beast of Gévaudan was an unusually large wolf that terrorized the countryside near the Margeride Mountains. It was shot and killed by Jean Chastel, who becomes a nobleman in my book. As far as the legend goes, there were rumors that Chastel actually trained wolves to obey him. This bit of information sent me off on a tangent and Among Wolves was born.
– Have you traveled to France–and if not, how have you done so vicariously?
I have not traveled to France although I would love to someday. I have a lot of books on France and a Pinterest collection labeled Llisé that gives me ideas for the villages and countryside. Thankfully, these books are fantasies not travel books and I do have some leeway.
– I would love to know more about the important role that bards play in your series.
I was first fascinated by bards after reading Patricia McKillip’s Riddlemaster Trilogy. I love the idea that stories are something you can conveniently carry with you. You don’t need props or scripts, they are just there in your mind. I’ve often thought that if some cataclysmic event occurred on earth, that I would be able to reinvent the phone or electricity but I could tell stories.
In my trilogy, literacy is not only discouraged but punished. Storytelling provides a way of recording the important events in the lives of the provincial people. The meticulous way that the bards retell the tales ensures that accuracy is preserved. It is when Devin discovers that the official government archives disagree with the provincial chronicles, that trouble begins.
– You’re a librarian. What are some of your favorite books to recommend to children or adults?
Oh dear, you shouldn’t have asked! I have to admit that I adore picture books! One of my favorites is: I Ain’t Gonna Paint No More by Karen Beaumont. I sing it at story time and use a huge paint brush to demonstrate. Another great one is Bear Has a Story to Tell by Philip C. Stead. Bear is so excited to pass his story on to his friends but they constantly interrupt him with requests for help to get ready for winter. Bear finally falls asleep, his tale untold, and wakens to discover he has forgotten it! I just bought a wonderful book for the library called Choose Your Days by Paula Wallace. It’s this sweet story about life and its brevity proving that picture books are not just for kids! I look for gentle books for children. Their lives are so frantic and I think they need warm, comforting books that they can disappear into.
I rarely read adult books but two I love are A Brief History of Montmoray by Michelle Cooper and The House at Tyenford by Natasha Solomons. Both stay with you long after the book is closed. I tend to cherish books that touch me emotionally and both of these did.
– What are you working on next?
I have a YA novel that is finished and an adult novel that is almost done. The adult one takes place in Renaissance, Italy. I also have two great ideas for middle grade novels but I have to finish my third book in the Wolves of Llisé series first. I will admit some reluctance to having it be finished! After having lived with these characters for a few years, I don’t want to say goodbye!
Order Among Wolves (book 1) and Grim Tidings (book 2).
***
Nancy K. Wallace loves chocolate, Christmas, and puppets! She collects fairytales and folklore and houses them in dozens of bookcases (alphabetically according to country). Her pets include four lovely cats, and an Arab mare named Ariel. She lives with her husband in a 140 year old farmhouse named Chevonwyck. Fortunately, she has a family who is tolerant of her obsessions and excellent at proofreading! Nancy is the author of 19 children’s books plus The Wolves of Llisé series for new adults. She has reviewed YA literature for VOYA magazine for 20 years.
Read MoreSpreading the Word: Kickstarter for “Dead Jack and the Pandemonium Device”
I’m generally not a fan of zombies. They squick me. But I love good writing and a good premise, and the Kickstarter for James Aquilone’s”Dead Jack and the Pandemonium Device” completely hooked me. This is the first book in a new fantasy/horror series about a drug-addicted zombie detective and his homunculus frenemy. So yeah, with a zombie lead and all, I couldn’t help but contribute so I could read the whole thing… and I asked James if I could help spread the word about his nifty project, too. It has already funded, so add your support and know that the book is a sure thing!
ABOUT THE BOOK
Dead Jack isn’t the best detective in Pandemonium. He’s just the cheapest. In fact he’ll work for fairy dust. But don’t judge. Jack needs it to curb his hunger for sweet, succulent flesh. In “Dead Jack and the Pandemonium Device,” the first book in the series, things go bad for the brain-licker after he tries to score from his old dealer. Jack and his homunculus sidekick Oswald find themselves on the run from angry leprechauns. But they have bigger krakens to fry, because Pandemonium is in danger of going bye-bye — and our duo is its only hope. Lucifer help them!
EXCERPT
Waiting for My Wee-Man
I reached into my jacket for a Lucky Dragon once the shakes began. The undead aren’t known for their dexterity, so I had a bit of fun getting that hellfire stick. I was like a drunken mummy trying to do jazz hands. I burned off half the skin on my left index finger lighting the damn thing. That made four fingers now that were practically nothing but bone. If this kept up, I’d end up a skeleton inside a cheap suit and fedora. I doubt anyone would notice.
Being a member of the great unwashed undead isn’t all bad, though. I was happy for my dulled sense of smell. The alleyway stunk like rotten cabbage and sour apples.
I took a deep drag on my hellfire stick. Smoke poured out from the hole in my right cheek like exhaust out of a busted tailpipe. I sucked that thing halfway down and it barely made a difference. My hand still trembled like a virgin at a satyr convention. I needed fairy dust. Bad.
I had tried everyone in downtown ShadowShade, but no one was holding. Out of desperation I came here to Irish Town, in search of Flanagan, my old dealer.
Without dust, the hunger becomes overpowering, and when I’m hungry no one’s safe. I’d eat my own mother.
I had been waiting in the alley behind Finn McCool’s for at least an hour before the leprechaun finally appeared.
Flanagan isn’t your typical lep. First off, he’s not that short. Maybe five-foot-two. He’s broad shouldered, barrel chested, and someone you don’t want to mess with. He also has the saltiest mouth in all the Five Cities of Pandemonium.
As he entered the alley, he sang, rather jauntily:
“There once was a fellow McSweeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie…”
A large sack was slung over his shoulder as he swaggered past the reeking dumpsters full of what must have been hundred-year-old cabbage.
“Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini…”
“Sorry to interrupt that charming little ditty,” I said, and slipped out of the shadows as I blew smoke out of all the holes in my face. All nine. Real bad-ass.
The lep stopped deader than my libido. Like I’d caught him bathing naked in his pot of gold. (Leprechauns don’t really have pots of gold, by the way, but they are known to carry sweet, sweet fairy dust, the closest thing to heaven in this godforsaken world.)
The sack jerked and he gripped it tighter.
“What’s in the sack, Flanny? Someone didn’t pay their vig?”
“None of your fookin business. Now if you wouldn’t be minding. I have better tings to do than converse with a brain-licker.” The lep took a step forward, but I blocked his way.
“Look, meat bag, I don’t want any trouble.”
“No trouble. I’m just looking for dust.”
The lep exploded into laughter. He actually placed his hand over his belly. A real guffaw.
“You fookin dust head. Oh, Jackie boy, I thought maybe you were on a case.”
“Just a gram. The hunger is starting to eat through my innards.”
“You have innards? Figured it’s all just sludge inside ya by now. Like your brain.”
“The last time I went cold turkey, it ended real bad for some fairies. I went wilder on them than a pack of werewolves. I’m still not welcome in The Red Garden.”
“You ain’t threatening now, are ya, ya dead dick?”
My hands shook and my bones rattled as I held them up. It looked like I was trying to conjure a pixie spirit. “I’m desperate.”
“Then you’re out of luck. I don’t deal anymore. I have new opportunities.”
There was a clink, like a glass bell, and the sack flew up. Flanagan nearly lost his grip on it but was able to pull it back down.
“What’s in the sack, Flanny?”
“None of your fookin business, ya filthy corpse.”
He drove his shoulder into my crotch, shoved me into the wall, and took off down the alley.
Maybe the hunger had reached its apex or maybe I didn’t like the way he called me a filthy corpse. I didn’t mind the crotch shot. As for my zombie genital situation, let’s not go there. Either way I was on him like a werewolf on a moonpie.
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About the Author
James Aquilone was raised on Saturday morning cartoons, comic books, sitcoms, and Cap’n Crunch. Amid the Cold War, he dreamed of being a jet fighter pilot but decided against the military life after realizing it would require him to wake up early. He had further illusions of being a stand-up comedian, until a traumatic experience on stage forced him to seek a college education. Brief stints as an alternative rock singer/guitarist and child model also proved unsuccessful. Today he battles a severe Tetris addiction while trying to write in the speculative fiction game.
His short fiction has been published in such places as Nature’s Futures, “The Best of Galaxy’s Edge 2013-2014,” “Unidentified Funny Objects 4,” and Weird Tales Magazine. Suffice it to say, things are going much better than his modeling career.
He lives in Staten Island, New York, but don’t hold that against him.
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