Listen to “Toilet Gnomes at War” at The Overcast
Are you taking proper care of your household gnomes? You’ll find out the hard way if you don’t!
My story “Toilet Gnomes at War” is an old favorite for many of my readers, and it has now been podcast for the first time! If you want to start your week with a story that is fun and whimsical with a lot of genuine heart, this is the story for you.
Listen to it at The Overcast!
#SFWAPro
Read MoreBready or Not Original: Spiced Maple Macadamia Nut Cookies
These Spiced Maple Macadamia Nut Cookies mix maple sweetness and warm spices and chocolate with the wonderful crunch of macadamias. They are perfect for fall–and throughout the year.
A food processor will be a big help in this recipe. The nuts and chocolate need to be in fine slivers. If the chunks are too big, the sliced cookies won’t be cohesive.
These are fridge cookies. Form the dough into tube shapes, wrap up well, then stash them in the fridge or freezer. Then thaw, slice, and bake when you need cookies.
If you do the full batch at once, you’ll likely get a lot of cookies, depending on your tube size and how you slice them. I got about 70 cookies.
These are perfect cookies to warm up your belly on a cool autumn or winter night (or in Arizona, to make-believe in such a temperature shift).
Bready or Not Original: Spiced Maple Macadamia Nut Cookies
Equipment
- food processor
Ingredients
- 1 1/2 cups unsalted butter 3 sticks, room temperature
- 1/2 cup white sugar
- 3/4 cup real maple syrup
- 4 cups all-purpose flour
- 3 teaspoons ground ginger
- 3 teaspoons ground cinnamon
- 1 teaspoon allspice
- 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
- 1 cup macadamia nuts
- 3/4 cup chocolate chips semisweet or dark or mixture
- 1/3 cup candied ginger finely chopped
Instructions
- In a food processor or by knife, finely chop macadamia nuts, followed by the chocolate chips. Set aside. (If these are not in fine pieces, the dough will fall apart when sliced.)
- In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in maple syrup.
- In a separate bowl, stir together the flour, spices, salt, and baking soda. Gradually work this into the creamed mixture. Fold in the nuts, chocolate, and candied ginger until incorporated.
- Divide dough in half and shape into foot-long logs. Encase in plastic wrap. Chill at least two hours, or freeze for later baking.
- Preheat oven at 350-degrees. Unwrap log and cut dough into 1/4-inch thick medallions, reshaping with fingers as needed. Place spaced out on parchment-covered cookie sheet.
- Bake for 10 to 12 minutes, until set with a firm, golden base. Cool on pan for 5 minutes then move to rack to completely cool.
- Cookies keep for at least 3 days in sealed containers at room temperature.
OM NOM NOM!
Bready or Not Original: Chewy Filled Bars
I present to you my Chewy Filled Bars: a versatile recipe that can use any number of fruit preserves, fruit butters, or other sweet filling, combined with different nuts or seeds, all to unique, delicious result.
These pictures display the recipe using Sprouts Cherry Preserves (with slivered almonds and almond extract) and Sprouts Maple Pumpkin Butter (with pepitas and almond extract).
However, I also made the same recipe using Trader Joe’s cinnamon bun filling (with chopped pecans and vanilla extract) and Apple Cider Spread (with chopped walnuts and vanilla extract). Every single version was awesome.
The jarred filling I used varied from 12 to 14 ounces. All worked well, though the Cinnamon Bun Filling required a 40 minute bake to set. I liked mixing in different nuts or seeds to pair with the filling, but you could also omit that ingredient completely, if desired.
No matter the mix-ins, the result is a pleasantly thick, chewy bar that is just sweet enough.
Bready or Not Original: Chewy Filled Bars
Equipment
- 13x9 pan
Ingredients
- 1 cup unsalted butter room temperature
- 2 cups brown sugar packed
- 2 teaspoons baking powder
- 1 large egg
- 1 teaspoon almond extract or substitute vanilla extract
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 2 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
- 1/2 cup slivered almonds or sliced almonds or substitute other nuts or seeds
- 12 to 14 ounce fruit preserves or fruit butter or other sweet filling; possibilities include cherry preserves, pumpkin butter, cinnamon bun filling, etc
Instructions
- Preheat oven at 350-degrees. Line a 13x9 pan with aluminum foil and apply nonstick spray or butter.
- In a large bowl, beat butter until creamy. Add brown sugar and baking powder. Follow up with egg and almond extract. Gradually mix in flour, oats, and sliced almonds.
- Set aside 1 cup of dough. Press the rest into the bottom of the prepared pan. A piece of waxed paper and heavy glass will help to compress it into a form, even layer. Spread preserves over top. Crumble the reserved dough over the fruit.
- Bake for 30 to 35 minutes, until top is lightly brown and no longer wobbly in the middle. Completely cool at room temperature, speeding process in the fridge, if desired. Use foil to lift contents onto cutting board to slice up.
- Store in sealed containers with waxed paper or parchment between the layers. Keeps at room temperature for days, and can also be frozen for weeks.
OM NOM NOM!
Recent Poetry Publications
I’ve had a bunch of poems released in the last month. If you have a spare few minutes and need to escape this dreadful world, perhaps give these a read!
– “I Make Myself a Dragon,” The Book of Dragons
– “Great-Great Grandmother’s Recipe,” Polu Texni
– “The Luck Eaters” (co-written with Rhonda Parrish) and “When the Company Pays,” Star*Line 43.3
– “The Way is Long and Fraught with Perils,” Polu Texni
Bready or Not: Harvest Apple Challah
Welcome autumn with this big beautiful Harvest Apple Challah, packed with fruit and spice.
This recipe might look intimidating, but let me assure you, it’s not. The cutting stage is supposed to be messy.
Take comfort that this is not a loaf that is supposed to look tidy. The end goal is rustic–and delicious.
Challah is an enriched dough. Eggs and honey add extra richness plus soft texture.
The final result is best served warm with an additional dollop or drizzle of honey. Use the good stuff here! I found that using the toaster oven for 5 to 7 minutes was about perfect for thick slices of bread.
I also found that this bread was great to freeze in slices. Pull out frozen pieces to thaw overnight, and breakfast is quick, convenient, and delicious the next morning!
Modified from a recipe at King Arthur Flour.
Bready or Not: Harvest Apple Challah
Equipment
- deep 9-inch round cake pan or casserole dish
- bench knife
- kitchen thermometer
Ingredients
Dough
- 1/2 cup lukewarm water
- 6 Tablespoons vegetable oil
- 1/4 cup honey
- 2 large eggs room temperature
- 4 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
- 1 Tablespoon instant yeast or active yeast
Filling
- 2 medium apples
- 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/4 cup white sugar
Topping
- 1 large egg
- coarse sugar optional
- honey for serving optional
Instructions
Make the dough
- Mix together the dough ingredients by hand or using a mixer with dough hook, until well-incorporated and not stiff. Place dough in a greased bowl to let rise about 2 hours, or until puffy; if poked with a finger, the dent in the dough should remain and not bounce back.
- Prepare a deep round cake pan or casserole dish (at least 4 inches) by greasing thoroughly.
- Also lightly grease a large stretch of counter top or table. Gently deflate dough and transfer to the surface, and flatten dough to an 8x10-inch rectangle.
Prepare the filling
- Core the apples but leave on the peels. Chop apples into chunks about 1/2 to 3/4-inch in size. Should equal about 3 cups total. Toss pieces in cinnamon and sugar.
Assemble the bread
- Spread half the apples in the center of the dough. Fold one short edge over the apples to cover them, and press down the edge to seal them inside.
- Place the remaining apples on top of the existing apple-dough mound. Cover these apples with the other flap of dough, patting again to seal. It's okay if it is bulging and messy!
- Use a bench knife or paring knife to cut the dough down the middle, long-ways. Then cut again along the long side, edge to edge, to create a series of broad, messy stacks of dough with apples overflowing onto the surface.
- Start transferring pieces of dough and scattered apples into the prepared pan, forming a bottom layer, then keep stacking more dough and fruit on top until everything is in the pan.
- Cover loosely with plastic wrap, and let rise for another hour, until it is puffed again.
- Preheat oven at 325-degrees, with a rack in the lower third of the oven.
- Uncover the dough. Brush the top with an egg beaten with a tablespoon of water. If desired, sprinkle coarse sugar all over the top.
- Bake for 55 to 65 minutes, until the top is deep brown. As the dough is so thick, if a kitchen thermometer is available, use it to test the middle; bread should be at least 190-degrees.
- Set pan of bread on a rack to cool for 10 minutes. Carefully remove bread from pan.
- Serve challah warm, ideally with extra honey drizzled on top. Store covered at room temperature up to 4 days. Bread can also be sliced and frozen.
